The Healthy Habit of Fear

Everyone has had something they feared at some point in their life, whether it was the imagined fears of childhood, or very real and verifiable fears that exist in the world in which we live. I believe everyone has fears. Some people respond to fear by taking preventative measures, some respond once they are in the midst of the circumstance that frightens them, and some respond only after the instance has occurred and has past through reliving it over and over in their minds frightening them even more.

Some fear is healthy. Take for instance the fear of germs, when rational and in perspective a healthy fear for germs is excellent and brings a person to live a healthier lifestyle. But fear can be taken out to extremes and become totally and utterly unhealthy. Fear can paralyze a person from ever doing anything or becoming anyone.

I have an irrational fear of my feet being uncovered at night which started when I was very young. We were visiting my grandmother's church and a man came into our Sunday school class to share his story. The only part I remember is that he told us that he didn't obey God and one night God took his leg(s) and he showed us his prosthesis. In my childhood imagination the way I understood his story was that one night he went to bed and in the morning he woke up and his legs were gone because God had taken them. I know that in truth I am sure there was some sort of accident and surgery and recovery period and the man meant that there were consequences for choices you make. But, to me, I never could sleep with my feet uncovered because I thought someone might take my legs in my sleep, AND I couldn't sleep with socks on because I wanted to be able to feel my toes touching my sheets so I knew my feet were there. Now as crazy at that sounds I have yet to completely grow out of that thought as I go to bed every night and take my socks off. I don't know how many people in my life have ever heard that story or know that about me. It isn't that I am afraid anymore of my legs being taken in my sleep, it is just a habit now that has become difficult to break.
I don't think everyone has fears like that but I know everyone fears something. Some people fear the uncertainty of the future and work painstakingly to have their next moves planned out. Some people fear taking the next step when it comes to changes in their life.

Let me tell you one thing about fear, whatever you fear controls you. Have you thought of that? If you fear germs you tend to think about them a lot. You tend to take action to protect yourself against them. Even if it is just a small fear, where you wash your hands after touching something you know is dirty. (I do hope all of you have at least that much fear of germs). Whatever you fear you tend to respect its power, whether it is the power it could posses over you (such as germs making you wretchedly sick) or you respect the power that it demonstrates in the world (gravity makes things fall so don't just leave your rolling infant on the bed unsupervised). Fear isn't all bad or evil. We need to fear to some extent. We need to be vigilant when we are going somewhere alone and avoid going somewhere alone at night, especially when you are a woman in a shady area. There is just a common sense to the emotion of fear. God gave us the emotions we have. God gave us the ability to fear.

Here is one type of fear you should work on having more of. We need to fear God. Seriously? Fear? God loves us, yes. God saves us, yes. But too often we hold that up and let it overshadow the fact that God is God. God is just. God is Creator. God is LORD. Do you fear your boss? (if you have one) do you just sit in the break room and talk all day and never do your work? Do you say whatever you want about him and goof off in meetings? God is not your boss. No. He is not going to fire you and He does not pay you a salary each week to help keep the roof over your head and clothes on your back and food on your table. God is our CREATOR. He spoke the world into being. He said "Let there be light!" and there was. He formed Adam and Eve with His hands. He breathed life into them. He knit you together in your mother's womb! On top of that: He reached down and chose you to be saved. He CHOSE you! He deemed you worth His love, worth His time and worth His Son's life! He didn't even stop there. He is continually interested and working in your life to make you who He would want you to be. He holds the power to stop your life whenever He is ready to. He has the power to give you the world, or to take every last thing you posses away. God has that power. Are you fearing Him yet? Sure you say, He wouldn't do that to someone who is doing the work of the Lord. He wouldn't make my life difficult if I am striving to serve Him and do my best. Hmm. Let's see I think I have heard a story about a man who was living a wonderful life and was serving God with all his heart. I think God called him "upright" and "perfect" in the KJV version of the Bible. Job had it all going for him. God had blessed him and God allowed all of it to be taken away in a very short time span.

And yet too often we go through life ignoring God's goodness and frankly, ignoring His power over us. We take control of our own life and say "As long as I am doing the 'good' and 'right' thing then what does it matter if I make these decisions and if I just push this part along a little bit for God. I know He is busy with those other people who need His help A LOT more than I do." And we all the sudden find ourselves driving the sled instead of sitting and waiting on the Lord.

That is my challenge today. Fear the Lord. Fear God. Let Him have the respect and the honor He is due and stop taking it from Him.

To my journey:
If you are interested in the job situation we have going on: The trip to MI got cancelled and so we are once again in limbo. A church in Oklahoma has our resume but we don't know anything promising, We appreciate the prayers for our family as we attempt to continue our wait on the Lord and serve where He has placed us. Shane has begun observing and helping with the youth group at our Church here in MO. We are blessed with a church that loves us and is willing to help us anyway they can.

Family is doing well. The boys are growing quicker then I could imagine. Their birthdays are around the corner and I am amazed at how quickly the first year has gone by. I feel as if having two keep me busy has made the year fly by. I am trying my best to make memories that will last. Some days are much easier than others to accomplish that. I just hope my memory can hold on to something.

prayer

So I have been thinking a pretty great deal lately about prayer.
I have always felt a strong emphasis on prayer in my life.

It is amazing to think about praying in a picture form. A Christian has an all access pass to God's throne room. Imagine this beautiful room with a throne and on it is God. But we can go into Him whenever we want to. We just say Heavenly Father, or God Almighty, or Creator, or whatever you want to say to address Him. And we are welcomed into Him. Now it is up to you how you proceed. If you feel guilt you may just stand in the door way and fall to your knees hiding your face and crawling begging Him to look on you with forgiveness. Perhaps you feel joy and leap into the room and jump onto the arm of His throne wrapping your arm around Him as a friend. Maybe you are sad and lonely and you walk up to Him and wrap your arms around his neck and allow Him to scoop you up onto His lap. Sometimes you are in awe of Him and just stand or kneel amazed in front of Him just taking in all the beauty. And the thing is that no matter where you stand, sit, or kneel there is this film that covers you (or perhaps it covers the eye's of God) that is crimson. It is only because of this film (or lens) that we can be seen and heard by God. Jesus' blood and sacrifice is that film. We can boldly come before the throne of Grace because of that sacrifice! So beautiful.

Prayer is so powerful and important. You can converse always to God and you can always count on Him to hear you, to listen, and to answer. Now I am not saying that you should loose any respect for Him in the process. A child can ask a father for anything in the world and it doesn't mean the father will give it to them. Even the most attentive and generous father will not grant a child everything he asks. Also, just because the child asks lots of questions or gets scared or confused, it does not mean that the child has forgotten who their father is or that he is their leader and guide. God is our Father. He is the Perfect Father. We can talk to Him at anytime, about anything. I think that is pretty amazing.

In my journey right now we are at a standstill. Still waiting on Him to lead the way. We have a date in March for a church in Michigan to see if that might be the door he opens for us. The other step we have taken is to visit the youth department of our church here in Missouri to watch how the youth pastor runs his department and see his style of ministry.

I have been praying a lot about my heart in this whole situation. In my life it has been my desire to work with children or ladies in a foreign field. To my dismay my husband feels that youth is his passion whether here in the United States or abroad is not a factor. My experience as a teenager and my abilities now to connect to that age range are not very good. Especially when it comes to connecting to the teenage girl in today's society. I have never been a shopper or into purses, make-up, and fashions. I don't know my music artists or my celebs. So I have prayed, hard. I have always had the belief that I would follow my husband to anything and any place. I vowed to do my very best at whatever I needed to do. I told him that youth was not my passion right now, but I was willing to do it if he believed it was his. Lately, though, God has been working on me. After my first visit with the youth group at my church here in Missouri I felt a relief. I realized that connecting was going to be an issue no matter what type of teenager I had been in my past, and no matter what type of adult I am now. Teenagers are a vast group of people with a even greater array of personalities. The problem was that I wasn't supposed to connect with them. I am supposed to connect them with Christ. That means I don't need to try to be like them. It means I need to strive to be as much like Christ as I can be and pray that I can get them to follow Him too. I just need to keep working on my life and be open and loving to them. And I already know I have a passion for that.

I suppose, in my head, I had discriminated against teen girls in a way that wasn't Godly. I had categorized them into a clump (stereotyped) and that was wrong of me. I was so worried about not living up to the ideal teen girl, when who in their right mind wants to be categorized as a teen girl when they are 26 years old!

Now all this I got from praying openly to God about my feelings and my fears. And God answered me. This is what prayer does for me.

Keep praying and keep listening. God will hear and answer you. He can work on your heart and He wants to. Just be open and honest to Him. Remember that He already knows anyway, so spill your heart to Him.

Going and going (before it is gone)...

This thing called life just doesn't slow down.
The boys:
They are growing faster then I ever remember growing. My toddler is using sentences and discovering more and more words without me having to teach them to him. The "seizures" have not returned as of yet and his EEG came back normal for now so we are just going to go on living normally and keeping our eyes on him. The baby is attempting to stand more often. He is just now getting the hang of crawling with his tummy off the floor but I don't think it will be too long before he just wants to walk.
I am not as good of a mom as I dreamed I would be. I don't do activities well with my boys like I wish I did. I get so many ideas in my head of things that would be so neat to do but then I get frustrated or worn out and just want them to play on their own and stop bugging me. And that is the point where I look at myself from the outside and say "what are you thinking? One day they will be bigger and self sufficient and you will wish you had their little hands tugging on you and their little heads leaning into you, and their little eyes looking up at you begging you to play." And I have to admit I was wrong to push them away. The toddler came up to me today, after an episode like this, and took his small hands to the sides of my face and said "Mommy isses?" I repeated "Does mommy want kisses?" He nodded his head and said "Mommy isses." And bent in and gave the sweetest kisses a mommy could ask for. And I just about cried. I love my boys. I just struggle with finding joy in each day I am with them stuck at home. And that is my wrong.
The job:
My husband and I had an interview after Christmas for a youth position at a church in MI. We were thrilled that we had been called but weren't going in expecting much. Turns out we got called back and will be traveling to Garden City in March to visit the church and see if we might be a fit. We are continuing to pray for guidance, wisdom, and peace in the job situation. I am continually grateful for my husband's job with the school district here in MO but our passion is in ministry. We are going to continue looking for the place God has for us in ministry even if this church in MI isn't it.
My life:
Like I said above I have several areas to work on. I need to work on my mothering skills and finding the joy in that. Raising these boys needs to be fun. I know it can be, I just need to work on making it fun, for all involved.
Being the wife I need to be is also important. There has to be a place where God would have me balanced between caring for these sweet boys and still keeping my husband first. I need to be sure I am meeting his needs and keeping up with what is important to him. He likes the house clean and so I need to be sure that in having fun with the boys I don't make excuses to ignore the home.
Praying needs to be forefront in my life. I need to pray for a balance. I need to pray for so much. It is amazing how much I need to pray. It soothes me and renews me. It strengthens me and empowers me. It fills me and lightens my spirit.
God has amazing things in store. I need to depend on Him and Him alone.