Christmas Blessing

My weekend has been a mess. My oldest son had an accident Friday evening. He passed out and stopped breathing. Now for any mom that is scary. I am trained in CPR and first aid... But did that click in immediately, no. I remember thinking about calling my husband first! I mean this is all in a split second. I realized my folly in that idea and dialed emergency help so it would just be a push of a button if I needed them. And I prepared to do rescue breathing. And the thought crossed my mind that I should dress him warmer cause if we had to go out he would be cold! Seriously my mind was so strange. Thankfully he came out of it without my help. I sat and held him for a few minutes and he was so shaky. I beat myself up alittle about not taking him in on the weekend. But you make decisions based on life experiences. I decided to wait til Monday to call his normal Dr. Well, we are now seeing another Dr. And probably a pediatric neurologist later.
I don't know if you can really be grateful for each breath you get until you watch someone not breathe. We aren't strangers of this. My son had apnea when he was born and went without breathing at times. We were trained in infant CPR before we could take him home with us. Thankfully I have never had to use CPR on anyone yet.
Though him breathing in that life giving air was blessing enough, we also received a wonderful blessing when we got home from the Dr. today, knowing we would have more doctors to visit in the near future for my son. We found three Christmas cards in the mail with checks inside. I know the people who sent the money never knew what we would be going though right now but God did. We were talking on the way home from the appointment about needing to stay home for Christmas instead of going to be with family. But when we saw the checks I cried. God is always faithful. Thank you to Hartwell Baptist and Pastor Trammel your check is getting us to family for Christmas. Ggma, and gpa Fred God used your checks and cards as an encouragement to us after a very hard weekend of worry and fretting about what to do.
What have I learned:
Never take a day with your kids for granted.
Never expect the next breath to just come.
Never worry about your needs not being met. God knows what you need when you need it. And he throws in a little extra every once in awhile just because he can!
My God loves and cares about me and he knows the desires of my heart.
Man, December has been full of lessons. I was only going to write once a month at most. But this was too big not to share.

Christmas Season

The Christmas Season is upon us once again.
This year my son is understanding more about the Christmas story. He is also learning what traditions we do and so it has been very exciting to see his eyes light up when we got the tree out and set up, and when we got the nativities out. I know by next year he will be ready for the traditions he plays a part in, like advent and maybe an elf will come visit.

I get so caught up in the lists of things that need to get done and in the thought of "Am I doing this right?" Being a mom now, I have a strong desire to make the holidays fun and memorable for my family. The problems arise when I start allowing worry to creep in and steal my joy.

A baby King was born in a stable because of love. The baby King was born in that stable... but He was the King of Kings. The baby was laid in the scratchy hay, not because it was what He wanted, or even what He had planned. It was because it was God's will for Him to be born in Bethlehem. It was God's will for Him to be born to Mary. It was God's will that He should be sent to the earth in the first place. It was God's will that He would send his ONLY son to the den of sinners, to be brought up among the human race. To be taught, touched and held by the people of the world. People, that to God, were not able to be looked upon. People who were covered in filth and disgusting grime. Who were drenched in the stench of their self-love and self-righteousness. These were the people he was sending his ONLY Son to! Why? Because it was God's will! Jesus was obedient and willingly went. He came into the world naked, cold, wet and weak. He was fragile, dependent upon His mother for everything.

Jesus was Mary's first child. She was a first-time mom. She was young, but in those days she had experience with children and knew what to expect. Even so, as any new mom will tell you, you never can be totally prepared. I can imagine her looking down at her baby boy just in awe of the miracle of life. I am sure she remembered that He was her Lord, but He was still a baby. Her baby.
I wonder at the scene just after His birth. Joseph there with the child that isn't his, laying it on Mary's chest. I wonder if Mary slept with Him in her arms to warm Him and to just feel Him against her. And when she finally did lay Him in the manger: I wonder what she thought, as she smoothed the hay down with one hand, before setting her King in the trough.
"Is this good enough for my King? Never in a million years. Is it good enough for my child? No. Is it the best option I have? Is it the best I can do with what I have? Yes. So it will have to be good enough." And she laid him down to sleep. I can imagine that she watched him with her adrenaline pumping through her body. She listened to him breathe in and out. It was the best she could do with what she had. I wonder if she worried or fretted over that decision. Perhaps Joseph was the worrier.

That brings me to my journey:
Right now I am a stay-at-home mom. I live and breathe my children. I try my best to stay in the Word and to study to keep my mind fresh, but my kids are my job. There are days I think about how I miss working. I think about how I am a bump on a log. I think about the fact that I am not contributing to the income of my house. At times I begin to feel useless despite the work I do at home. In my head work is work and home is home (an idea I am attempting to change for myself, but it is slow going). This story and this meditation brought me to a realization: God doesn't demand the best in the world. God demands the best in me. God doesn't demand the most worthy to do his bidding. He demands me to go and do. God doesn't demand me to go and do like so-and-so. God demands me to go and do with what I have to offer, like He would have me to do it. He asks me to do it the best that I can with the gifts He has bestowed upon me. So, no, I won't be doing anything the same as you. I won't necessarily be doing better. I will be doing it how God wants me to. I need to place my joy in that and stop worrying so much about what I am doing and how others are doing it.

God didn't demand that His Son be laid on a feather bed in an ivory crib dressed in satin and silk in a golden palace full of nurses, maids and servants, where music flowed from harps and birthday gifts piled high. He was pleased with the worn wooden stable, the crude manger, the golden hay, and torn rags. He allowed His Son to be watched over by cows, donkeys and goats, sung to by angels, adored by shepherds and graced by foreigners, years later, bringing belated birthday gifts. God has a strange idea of what is pleasing in His sight. Then again, God has a strange way of doing a lot of things!

This Christmas Season find God's sense of joy. Find it in the little things that you can do. Stop trying to out-do someone. Stop trying to out-do yourself. Just do.

Picking Up In My Journey:

My world revolves around two baby boys and their father, my husband of three years, Shane. I have a two-and-a-half year old boyand a six month boy. Both hold my heart in their little hands. It amazes me how much I notice my humanity in my everyday dealings with them. Sometimes I loose patience with them, growing frustrated when they are just trying to communicate their needs. I am so thankful that the toddler is beginning to speak clearer and is getting to the point where he can express his needs verbally. We still grow frustrated at one another when he gets stuck repeating the same thing over and over attempting to gain my understanding. When "m"s sound like "f"s and "k"s sound like "g"s it can get confussing. Each day I am just amazed at his progress in his verbal skills.
The baby is very vocal and enjoys the sound of his own squeal. He is also VERY mobile. He is an expert roller and scooter. I feel I am only counting down the minutes until he begins crawling regularly. I have a feeling that I will be extreemly busy once that takes place. The baby is very funny. He tends to crack up when his brother is upset. He just sits there laughing as my toddler cries. I think he must take after his father. He deffinately didn't get my empathetic personality.

As busy as my boys keep me, my husband is my life. He is my complement and we are in this life together. Shane comes from a very different life than me, however, we find a common thread when it comes to how we want to live. We both daily strive to live our lives in a way that brings honor to God. We strive towards the will of the Lord and in doing that we grow closer together. We certaintly have not grown perfect at that concept, but it is something we are constantly reminding ourselves to push towards.

Our goal is to be used in full time service somewhere. We don't know where, or even how. We only know we both have a burning desire to be out there serving to the best of our ability.

This past year has been a rollercoaster. I was pregnant, Shane's hours were cut. Shane got a wonderful job, I had the baby. I had to quit my job, we got two interveiws for youth positions at churches. We got hired on at a church one day, we got dissappointed the next day when we were told it wasn't going to happen. Sometimes it felt the door was being flung open, and only then did we realize it was really being slammed shut. Sometimes it has felt as though I was blocking the door from opening and I finally let go and move out of the way and it closes and won't open again. I feel God just wanted me to say I was willing and to move so I could be in line for whatever the next blessing was that he had for me.

This is a blog of my journey to finding the things that my God has for me. If you want to follow that journey just keep a lookout for posts every couple months. I can't wait to see what's in store!