No "what ifs" matter. No distant challenges could ruin the joy.
They pledge vows to one another saying "I do".
Then the in sickness happens and mental health crisis causes one of them to face crippling depression...months of shutting the partner out as they deal with the deamons that daily threaten to control thier mind. Anxiety causes indesiveness and fear of failure. Making plans is a challenge. Just getting through the day is a matter of pushing and encouraging and begging.
In sorrow: Loss of a child wedges an abis between you as grief hits in completely different ways. Fertility issues and navigating the steps to take if any. The pain that comes from a diagnosis of a child with a chronic illness or handicap. The loss of what we pictured life would be like for us and our child.
For poorer hits... First it's just a little extra spending but then the addiction comes to light and the insurmountable bills start pouring in. It wasn't what the partner thought they signed up for. Loss of a job and the bills are running behind but it's just one or two. It will get caught up. Can't find a new job until the electricity is shut off and then the water company is knocking at the door and you are too afraid to answer the door or the phone and you just want to pretend like no one is home. Groceries come from a food pantry and all taste like cardboard because they are past the expiration date...But you have to eat it anyway....
For worse...the yelling... The personality shifts. The change in career that doesn't just effect one person...it changes all of your lives. A move across the country away from those you love. Thier faith is rocked. They stop showing up for church. They stop seeing the importance of it all. They make decisions that are bad. They pick up habbits that don't align with your beliefs. Her drive leaves her and she gives you the cold shoulder night after night for months and months because she is tired...irritated...unwell...
Did you mean what you pledged?
Did those vows really mean what they said?
Marriage is not a beautiful perfect ring of sparkling joy.
Marriage is work.
We dive in head first into a shimmering lake only to find out there are boulders and jagged rocks just beneath the surface we we're lucky enough to miss on our way down. Navigating the waters around those rocks as the current of society is dragging us down is nearly impossible. Unless we stop trying to get through unscatched and unchanged. We must look down at ourselves and see that we are just as jagged and sharp and hard as the rocks we have just jumped into. We are going to bump and cut just as much as our partner is. Marriage is two imperfect people trying to live a perfect covenant that we are totally incapable of living up to until Christ comes. Being an imperfect person pledged to another imperfect person we are going to have some strife.
Marriage is not about the "I do"s because inevitably they will not be lived up to perfectly. It is more about daily pledging to once again give up and let go of the "I want"s and instead saying "I will".
"I will love my husband", "I will find a way to serve my wife today." "I will think about what he might need today."
