Pause is ALWAYS for Our Good

Sometimes it takes a trial to point you in the direction you are supposed to go. It takes breaking our "plan" and diverting our "list" and pushing our "deadlines". Sometimes we think what SHOULD happen based on what we see today and tell God how the plan works instead of asking, listening and trusting Him who sees the complete picture. (Thank you Miss Stephanie for expressing my thoughts in a clear way).

I don't know why it is so hard to let go and let God. It is all about surrender. It's not about WHAT we are willing to surrender because the answer should ALWAYS be our ALL. He already commanded it. So not giving our all is actually disobedience (An area I fail at daily). The question shouldn't even be there. As a believer our ALL should have already been given to God and yet He knew it would be a constant struggle. His word points us to daily die to self (1 Cor. 15:31), to daily pick up our cross (Luke 9:23), to daily fix our trust. It is a process. There is no immediate eternal fix for life. The immediate eternal fix is for death. Life is a process, a war that is constantly being waged one battle and skirmish at a time both in our minds and hearts as well as in the invisible realm around us (Eph. 6:12). We have to get up each day prepared and ready to face attacks from all sides. We have to be prepared for times of trials where we will be strengthened and stretched.

God never promises an easy life for believers. He promises hope. He promises that if we follow Him with our all there will be a perfect work in the end. He promises eternity. (Jer. 29:11)

I did not mean to leave a feeling of uncertainty in my previous post. I was simply sharing a time of pause in my crazy life where I was really not sure what God was doing or what he wanted from me. I in no way felt defeated and the anxiety I probably normally would have felt was actually minimal. God has brought us through much worse and I could simply find rest in that. I just knew God had something, God had some reason (More than just to give me time to organize the Lego bin for 3 days straight only to have the boys dump them together in the search for the "missing piece" three days later).

Sometimes the greatest parts of His plan are revealed in those times he makes us stop in our tracks. I had to stop what I was doing and reevaluate what God might be having me do. A really great thing came out of this. It allows me more time with my family while still contributing to the family financially. A real blessing. I love what I do. I love helping people. I love being hands and feet to those that need them. I love being there and listening when I have time. I love sitting and holding their hands when their families can't (or won't), 

So do not borrow worry from me. There is absolutely NO reason. Our family is fine. Our bills got paid. Next month we will have new bills. They will get paid too (whether they get paid the way we planned or the way God plans). We are always safely held in His hands and are trying to be guided by His perfect plan and His perfect timing.

This Crazy Thing Called Life

I have fallen into a routine of not having a routine. It gets me into trouble more times than not. I was working overtime hours and have all the sudden found myself a stay at home mom temporarily again out of circumstances beyond my control. Thankfully it is simply a matter of wadding through some government tape and I will (should) be back on my way.

Sometimes it seems like life should be so simple. Everything is going along (running as smoothly as can be expected) and then POW! out of no where a lineman hits you from your blind side! I think "Seriously God, You couldn't just let this alone for a little while... I was FINALLY starting to see how you were fitting us all together again since the last time this happened!"

Thankfully I have been through this sort of "weak-side tackle" before and know that the end result is usually a less-weak defense that can deflect/ defuse attacks from that angle the next time when it is the enemy who attempts the sac. God is preparing me and has shaped me to see a BIGGER picture. There is so much I could be stressed about right now. I could be scared about how bills will be paid, how rent will be met when our largest income is basically tanked for a couple weeks. All in all I have to rely on God. I have to trust him to get us through and believe that he has power and a purpose in it. I have really tried to enjoy these days with my boys. I have soaked in the fact that I have a rare pause in my overly busy schedule to just refocus and re-evaluate. I was able to attend Bible study at church with the other ladies knowing that if I had worked my hours that would probably not have happened. I focused some creativity and got some much needed hobby time in. I have also been in a deeper valley than this before and God raised us up and we tried to learn. This time it is not nearly as dark and it is not nearly as scary.

I have so so much to thank God for that is incredibly ridiculous to even think about being anxious for anything! My God has this. He has had this from the beginning of time and he will still have it throughout eternity.

Bible study this week was on being scared. We get so caught up in the fears and "what ifs" and what the author called "invisible thoughts of others"... and we can't even move. We won't go another step.

I fear a lot of things. I fear people's thoughts of me. I am so paralyzed by what people might think if I do something different or if I am socially awkward. I had an opportunity to sign up for a meal for a mom of a newborn through my church. At first I went right away to the sign-up sheet and the day I could do it was open. I clicked to start filling in the blank and it asked me what I would bring. I wrote something down, erased it...wrote something else, erased it... went back and looked at what other people were bringing. I saw they were bringing a main dish, side and dessert. I don't do dessert very often nor very well. I thought of just not doing a dessert and then thought that might not be acceptable. (SEE FEAR OF WHAT OTHERS THINK!) So instead of being a blessing by just taking what I could I allowed fear to rob me of that chance. The blank was filled in by someone else and soon all the blanks were filled.

It was brought up that I sing (have sung) in church. At first I wanted to run and hide. I am so afraid of messing up. I am so afraid of not living up to expectations of others or of myself. Thankfully I am going to try to do it again and to get back into that routine. I have to let go of fear.

I also fear failure. I have to retake an exam I took 7 years ago. I left my book in Ohio. Believe me I had kept everything! I had all my tests from the class and notes. All of it gone. So I have been online studying for hours and borrowed a book for a couple hours and stared at it. I feel scared to fail. I feel frozen. I can't just throw up my hands and say I won't go through with it. I need to just do my best pass or fail but at least I can say I tried. Doing is so much better than NOT doing. Trying is better than NOT trying.

I think of one of my boys favorite movies UP. "Adventure is out there!" If we do nothing we get nothing in return. You have to GO, DO, and TRY to enjoy the adventure that God has for you.