Life doesn't seem to sit still. I went out this Saturday to walk in the Heart Walk with a friend. When I left home it was lightly raining and I figured I would drive out there, I have walked in rain many times in my life. As I drove there I realized it was storming in town. There was lightning and thunder and just buckets of rain. I pulled in and quickly found out the walk would be delayed. The boys were with their dad at home so I figured an hour delay wouldn't be bad. Well I waited for awhile and got a message that my friend would be at McDonalds waiting out the delay. I headed there. The walk got canceled and I headed home after enjoying a nice break from the norm. As I walked in the door I was greeted with a "Hi, Mommy!" from my big boy and a squeal of delight from my one-year-old. I had only been gone for about 2 hours and they still both wanted to be as close to me as they could get as the pushed each other up onto my lap to snuggle.
My boys are so wonderful. I got to thinking about how I am as their mom. I have begun reading a book called Loving the Little Years. It opened my eyes to a new way of looking at discipline. I know I am supposed to be consistent. I know I am supposed to be firm in what I say is a "no." and what I want to teach them. It is how I go about doing it that really makes the difference. I mean, how many times have I heard the phrase in Bible College "speak the truth in love". If I was ingrained to do that with people I counsel, shouldn't it be even more so with my own kids. I love and cherish my children more than any other children in the world. As their mom I often find myself angry, frustrated and irritated at them when they aren't learning the lesson I am trying to teach as quickly as I would have them learn it. If it was anyone else, I would not shout at them or outwardly show frustration and irritation, but because they are my kids I do! How does that even make sense, the more I care and love somebody the worse I tend to treat them? I get frustrated at myself for not figuring out a better way to get my plan across to them and I flat out get mad at the toddler when he looks at me as if I told him to build me a rocket ship instead of asking him to simply bring me a diaper from the shelf (which is something he does very often for me normally). I can't figure out why he seems to have forgotten what I mean when I speak the same command to him that I have used countless times before! I was just now thinking about God and how He is my Father. He gives me commands. He actually has even written them all down for me so I can always reread them when I need to and I still find myself disobeying at times. Even when I have obeyed the same command countless times in the past for some reason there are times I just choose not to listen and to go my own way and do my own thing. And it isn't even like I am trying to do the right thing but just don't fully understand what it is he wants. Most of the time, unlike my two-year-old son, I know what the right thing to do is but I blantantly choose not to do it. God is so patient and understanding and pours His mercy out on me and supplies grace and love to me. He doesn't get mad and angry. Instead He gently guides me back to the path He wants me to follow, He begs me to do it His way, and He loves me still when I, yet again, go running off on my own way.
Going back to this book: the author illustrated the idea of teaching and training at every chance instead of just disciplining. There is a way to displine with love and not anger or disappointment. She mentioned that when we begin feeling frustrated or disappointed in our children we need to recall how far they have come and the progress they have made. As mothers we need to praise them for their accomplishments and realize that they will figure out this challenge soon enough and many more will follow. They are just beginning this life and just beginning to be molded. Our job is to teach and train and that probably means cleaning up messes after them and giving them a new, better way of doing something.
It is true that there are times when my almost-3-year-old disobeys on purpose and you can just see the challenge in his eyes, and on those occasions he needs punished. However, I have begun challenging myself to not automatically swat his backside. Instead I am trying to use certain key verses from the Bible to teach him why what he did is wrong. If he disobeyed, we are using the phrase "children obey your parents". If he is unkind, we say "be ye kind to one another" which he follows up with "Be nice!". If these reminders dont help him and he still challeges he recieves a swat and lost privaleges. But the key is that we are trying to train in truth not just in bad and good. God has so many truths that flood our Scriptures. They need to flood our hearts and be applied to our lives. And our kids need to learn to do that too. You may be surprised what your kids can memorize at this young age. I figure out if he can sing the whole "abc song" and the theme song for his favorite tv show then he can learn to say Bible verses too. I was pushing for him to learn the letter sounds, but as he began getting good at them I realized I had wrong priorities. I wanted my child to be ready for school and to be seen as smart, but how much better would it be to teach him Bible verses now while his mind is just booming and growing! So we began with "God is love." and have progressed to "God loved us, and sent His son." He isn't to the point where he says them all by himself but he will get there. He knows how to end the ones I begin and he is able to say them all with me as we practice them at bath time. It has become a fun thing for us to do. He likes copying what I say and we make it like a game.
My husband has told me I need to be tougher with the boys, and he is right in part. I need to put my foot down and be sure they know I am the parent and they don't run the home, but I also need to be training them in truth and with love. You don't have to be a meany to be in charge. You don't have to be loud and demanding to lead. Keep that in mind. I know I am doing my best to remember it, and I fail often. I either become too soft and get run over and nothing accomplished in the way of training, or I get mean and loud and demanding and only end up making grumpy fussy boys and an irritated mommy and still nothing gets taught.
I was telling someone today that none of us have arrived at perfection. We each have to work every single day on the things we need to do better or on the things that need to change. Are you working on your life? Or have you grown content with where you are? Don't stay content with your life.
