Here we sit. We made it. It has been almost a year since our placement home study was completed. We made it passed the 6-month mark with the kids in our home. Adoption is just around the corner.
Where are we?
These past months have been filled with ups and downs and ins and outs. Some days my husband was the one keeping it together. Some days it was my turn. Other days I would feel like it was falling apart only to have someone come along side and encourage me. Once the words were uttered by some counselor "Maybe this just isn't the placement for her." The idea of keeping everyone safe in my home became a chore on some evenings. The thought of my husband walking out the door to leave me for a few hours with the kids gave me high anxiety because I didn't know what to expect out of them. (For awhile it meant a full-fledged battle of wills as soon as the car was out of the driveway). There was something about my authority in the home that set her off. And it was a constant certainty that as soon as Dad left the next negative statement I would make would mean a total and utter meltdown into a pool of anger and hostility against me and anyone else in the way.
Then it happened. Around mother's day a shift happened. A subtle but monumental shift. Respect began flowing from her lips when she would speak to me.
She began listening to my instructions and simply saying "okay." as she followed through. Prayers of a thousand warriors worked a miracle. Since that weekend we have had small tantrums but nothing out of the norm for any normal (un-traummatized) little 10-year-old girl. We have had to address some issues and behaviors but each time we were responded to with a calm spirit.
We are not under the delusion that this is the end of the war. But it feels like God has shown us once more that he is in control and that He has the say in her heart.
Having 5 kids in my family is not what I pictured for my life. (Especially not 5 so close in age!). It seems to work for the most part. We have what we need and we get by. the 4 boys have learned to share a room for the most part. Our daughter is enjoying her own room (although she complains almost nightly about wishing she could share a room and how we need to have another little girl!) I tell her that she will be thankful for her own room one day and that another little girl is not in my plans. So she reverts to wishing for a dog instead.
If you wish to pray for us in this time
1. Please pray for the timing of the adoption. The way they work in the county we are working through is that they will just schedule it for the next slot available once the paperwork is approved. School starts mid August for us here and the adoption is going to take place in the kids home state. We will be traveling for about a week to ensure everything is done that needs completed and that we have time to finalize the whole process. It would be incredible if we could have it happen the 1st of 2nd week of August. We are not sure that will happen but it would be ideal in our minds.
2. Please pray for the kids as they work through emotions they are feeling as this date gets closer and closer. All we hear is excitement but the feelings go deeper and I am no fool to believe they are all cupcakes and rainbows.
3. Name changes. This is a small thing but has big implications. The kids have the opportunity to change their names. We will be changing J's name to something similar while giving A the choice to change hers. She currently has a list she has compiled and is working on narrowing down. We will back her up 100% with whatever her choice it. I told her that her given name is beautiful and has a good reason behind it but she wants to entertain the idea of a new name for now so we will help her with that decision to the best of our ability. I do not want her to feel pressure one way or the other so please pray that she will have a peace one way or the other so we can nail this down as quickly as possible.
4. A home. This is low on our priorities right now but we are looking for a home after the adoption is finalized. We want something that actually fits our expanded family better preferably without having to switch schools. God is able to provide what we need in His time so we will rest on that.
And for now we have some great neighbors so we will be fine waiting if that is what God wants.
5. Wisdom. Lots and lots of wisdom. I am being thrust into parenting an adolescent girl when I never would have dreamed I would be already here! I am not feeling ready but ready or not. I need to be the mom to her that she needs and I need to be prepared for the talks that are coming up quickly! Boys and body image and all that jazz that I struggled with as a girl. Oh boy, oh boy... I wish I had gotten to start with my little girl as a baby... but God has some funny plans sometimes.
