The Healthy Habit of Fear

Everyone has had something they feared at some point in their life, whether it was the imagined fears of childhood, or very real and verifiable fears that exist in the world in which we live. I believe everyone has fears. Some people respond to fear by taking preventative measures, some respond once they are in the midst of the circumstance that frightens them, and some respond only after the instance has occurred and has past through reliving it over and over in their minds frightening them even more.

Some fear is healthy. Take for instance the fear of germs, when rational and in perspective a healthy fear for germs is excellent and brings a person to live a healthier lifestyle. But fear can be taken out to extremes and become totally and utterly unhealthy. Fear can paralyze a person from ever doing anything or becoming anyone.

I have an irrational fear of my feet being uncovered at night which started when I was very young. We were visiting my grandmother's church and a man came into our Sunday school class to share his story. The only part I remember is that he told us that he didn't obey God and one night God took his leg(s) and he showed us his prosthesis. In my childhood imagination the way I understood his story was that one night he went to bed and in the morning he woke up and his legs were gone because God had taken them. I know that in truth I am sure there was some sort of accident and surgery and recovery period and the man meant that there were consequences for choices you make. But, to me, I never could sleep with my feet uncovered because I thought someone might take my legs in my sleep, AND I couldn't sleep with socks on because I wanted to be able to feel my toes touching my sheets so I knew my feet were there. Now as crazy at that sounds I have yet to completely grow out of that thought as I go to bed every night and take my socks off. I don't know how many people in my life have ever heard that story or know that about me. It isn't that I am afraid anymore of my legs being taken in my sleep, it is just a habit now that has become difficult to break.
I don't think everyone has fears like that but I know everyone fears something. Some people fear the uncertainty of the future and work painstakingly to have their next moves planned out. Some people fear taking the next step when it comes to changes in their life.

Let me tell you one thing about fear, whatever you fear controls you. Have you thought of that? If you fear germs you tend to think about them a lot. You tend to take action to protect yourself against them. Even if it is just a small fear, where you wash your hands after touching something you know is dirty. (I do hope all of you have at least that much fear of germs). Whatever you fear you tend to respect its power, whether it is the power it could posses over you (such as germs making you wretchedly sick) or you respect the power that it demonstrates in the world (gravity makes things fall so don't just leave your rolling infant on the bed unsupervised). Fear isn't all bad or evil. We need to fear to some extent. We need to be vigilant when we are going somewhere alone and avoid going somewhere alone at night, especially when you are a woman in a shady area. There is just a common sense to the emotion of fear. God gave us the emotions we have. God gave us the ability to fear.

Here is one type of fear you should work on having more of. We need to fear God. Seriously? Fear? God loves us, yes. God saves us, yes. But too often we hold that up and let it overshadow the fact that God is God. God is just. God is Creator. God is LORD. Do you fear your boss? (if you have one) do you just sit in the break room and talk all day and never do your work? Do you say whatever you want about him and goof off in meetings? God is not your boss. No. He is not going to fire you and He does not pay you a salary each week to help keep the roof over your head and clothes on your back and food on your table. God is our CREATOR. He spoke the world into being. He said "Let there be light!" and there was. He formed Adam and Eve with His hands. He breathed life into them. He knit you together in your mother's womb! On top of that: He reached down and chose you to be saved. He CHOSE you! He deemed you worth His love, worth His time and worth His Son's life! He didn't even stop there. He is continually interested and working in your life to make you who He would want you to be. He holds the power to stop your life whenever He is ready to. He has the power to give you the world, or to take every last thing you posses away. God has that power. Are you fearing Him yet? Sure you say, He wouldn't do that to someone who is doing the work of the Lord. He wouldn't make my life difficult if I am striving to serve Him and do my best. Hmm. Let's see I think I have heard a story about a man who was living a wonderful life and was serving God with all his heart. I think God called him "upright" and "perfect" in the KJV version of the Bible. Job had it all going for him. God had blessed him and God allowed all of it to be taken away in a very short time span.

And yet too often we go through life ignoring God's goodness and frankly, ignoring His power over us. We take control of our own life and say "As long as I am doing the 'good' and 'right' thing then what does it matter if I make these decisions and if I just push this part along a little bit for God. I know He is busy with those other people who need His help A LOT more than I do." And we all the sudden find ourselves driving the sled instead of sitting and waiting on the Lord.

That is my challenge today. Fear the Lord. Fear God. Let Him have the respect and the honor He is due and stop taking it from Him.

To my journey:
If you are interested in the job situation we have going on: The trip to MI got cancelled and so we are once again in limbo. A church in Oklahoma has our resume but we don't know anything promising, We appreciate the prayers for our family as we attempt to continue our wait on the Lord and serve where He has placed us. Shane has begun observing and helping with the youth group at our Church here in MO. We are blessed with a church that loves us and is willing to help us anyway they can.

Family is doing well. The boys are growing quicker then I could imagine. Their birthdays are around the corner and I am amazed at how quickly the first year has gone by. I feel as if having two keep me busy has made the year fly by. I am trying my best to make memories that will last. Some days are much easier than others to accomplish that. I just hope my memory can hold on to something.

prayer

So I have been thinking a pretty great deal lately about prayer.
I have always felt a strong emphasis on prayer in my life.

It is amazing to think about praying in a picture form. A Christian has an all access pass to God's throne room. Imagine this beautiful room with a throne and on it is God. But we can go into Him whenever we want to. We just say Heavenly Father, or God Almighty, or Creator, or whatever you want to say to address Him. And we are welcomed into Him. Now it is up to you how you proceed. If you feel guilt you may just stand in the door way and fall to your knees hiding your face and crawling begging Him to look on you with forgiveness. Perhaps you feel joy and leap into the room and jump onto the arm of His throne wrapping your arm around Him as a friend. Maybe you are sad and lonely and you walk up to Him and wrap your arms around his neck and allow Him to scoop you up onto His lap. Sometimes you are in awe of Him and just stand or kneel amazed in front of Him just taking in all the beauty. And the thing is that no matter where you stand, sit, or kneel there is this film that covers you (or perhaps it covers the eye's of God) that is crimson. It is only because of this film (or lens) that we can be seen and heard by God. Jesus' blood and sacrifice is that film. We can boldly come before the throne of Grace because of that sacrifice! So beautiful.

Prayer is so powerful and important. You can converse always to God and you can always count on Him to hear you, to listen, and to answer. Now I am not saying that you should loose any respect for Him in the process. A child can ask a father for anything in the world and it doesn't mean the father will give it to them. Even the most attentive and generous father will not grant a child everything he asks. Also, just because the child asks lots of questions or gets scared or confused, it does not mean that the child has forgotten who their father is or that he is their leader and guide. God is our Father. He is the Perfect Father. We can talk to Him at anytime, about anything. I think that is pretty amazing.

In my journey right now we are at a standstill. Still waiting on Him to lead the way. We have a date in March for a church in Michigan to see if that might be the door he opens for us. The other step we have taken is to visit the youth department of our church here in Missouri to watch how the youth pastor runs his department and see his style of ministry.

I have been praying a lot about my heart in this whole situation. In my life it has been my desire to work with children or ladies in a foreign field. To my dismay my husband feels that youth is his passion whether here in the United States or abroad is not a factor. My experience as a teenager and my abilities now to connect to that age range are not very good. Especially when it comes to connecting to the teenage girl in today's society. I have never been a shopper or into purses, make-up, and fashions. I don't know my music artists or my celebs. So I have prayed, hard. I have always had the belief that I would follow my husband to anything and any place. I vowed to do my very best at whatever I needed to do. I told him that youth was not my passion right now, but I was willing to do it if he believed it was his. Lately, though, God has been working on me. After my first visit with the youth group at my church here in Missouri I felt a relief. I realized that connecting was going to be an issue no matter what type of teenager I had been in my past, and no matter what type of adult I am now. Teenagers are a vast group of people with a even greater array of personalities. The problem was that I wasn't supposed to connect with them. I am supposed to connect them with Christ. That means I don't need to try to be like them. It means I need to strive to be as much like Christ as I can be and pray that I can get them to follow Him too. I just need to keep working on my life and be open and loving to them. And I already know I have a passion for that.

I suppose, in my head, I had discriminated against teen girls in a way that wasn't Godly. I had categorized them into a clump (stereotyped) and that was wrong of me. I was so worried about not living up to the ideal teen girl, when who in their right mind wants to be categorized as a teen girl when they are 26 years old!

Now all this I got from praying openly to God about my feelings and my fears. And God answered me. This is what prayer does for me.

Keep praying and keep listening. God will hear and answer you. He can work on your heart and He wants to. Just be open and honest to Him. Remember that He already knows anyway, so spill your heart to Him.

Picking Up In My Journey:

My world revolves around two baby boys and their father, my husband of three years, Shane. I have a two-and-a-half year old boyand a six month boy. Both hold my heart in their little hands. It amazes me how much I notice my humanity in my everyday dealings with them. Sometimes I loose patience with them, growing frustrated when they are just trying to communicate their needs. I am so thankful that the toddler is beginning to speak clearer and is getting to the point where he can express his needs verbally. We still grow frustrated at one another when he gets stuck repeating the same thing over and over attempting to gain my understanding. When "m"s sound like "f"s and "k"s sound like "g"s it can get confussing. Each day I am just amazed at his progress in his verbal skills.
The baby is very vocal and enjoys the sound of his own squeal. He is also VERY mobile. He is an expert roller and scooter. I feel I am only counting down the minutes until he begins crawling regularly. I have a feeling that I will be extreemly busy once that takes place. The baby is very funny. He tends to crack up when his brother is upset. He just sits there laughing as my toddler cries. I think he must take after his father. He deffinately didn't get my empathetic personality.

As busy as my boys keep me, my husband is my life. He is my complement and we are in this life together. Shane comes from a very different life than me, however, we find a common thread when it comes to how we want to live. We both daily strive to live our lives in a way that brings honor to God. We strive towards the will of the Lord and in doing that we grow closer together. We certaintly have not grown perfect at that concept, but it is something we are constantly reminding ourselves to push towards.

Our goal is to be used in full time service somewhere. We don't know where, or even how. We only know we both have a burning desire to be out there serving to the best of our ability.

This past year has been a rollercoaster. I was pregnant, Shane's hours were cut. Shane got a wonderful job, I had the baby. I had to quit my job, we got two interveiws for youth positions at churches. We got hired on at a church one day, we got dissappointed the next day when we were told it wasn't going to happen. Sometimes it felt the door was being flung open, and only then did we realize it was really being slammed shut. Sometimes it has felt as though I was blocking the door from opening and I finally let go and move out of the way and it closes and won't open again. I feel God just wanted me to say I was willing and to move so I could be in line for whatever the next blessing was that he had for me.

This is a blog of my journey to finding the things that my God has for me. If you want to follow that journey just keep a lookout for posts every couple months. I can't wait to see what's in store!