Recently I came upon a post about another marriage falling to pieces. Young children, new stressors, and differences in opinion on what was important in each of the spouses' lives were driving them apart. It broke my heart. Then other people, believers and non, were commenting about how she needed to get out or that she needed to do what made her happy. How it was about her life and what was best for her and her kids... I have heard it before. But I feel like as a believer marriage should be so, SO much more steadfast then it is. It is so much more important. It should mean so much more.
Marriage is not about being "Happy" every day... you have to choose to have joy... it is not natural to just automatically be happy every day with how your life is... it is not natural to have the same feelings you had when you were newlyweds... Marriage is about choosing to LOVE... and Choosing to find joy in the way your life is... and CHOOSING To better yourself in order to be better for the other person. It is putting what THEY need before what you think you need. Sometimes that ends up being a one way street if the other person is not all in for some reason or another... And that is one reason why marriages fail SO much. Both people have to be willing so sacrifice and love despite the others faults and shortcomings. And it stinks sometimes. In my marriage there are times I choose to stick it out and work on what I can work on and pray for him to change and to get out of his funk as soon as possible. I am sure he could say the same at times about me needing a heart change. We each have had stretches of discontentment/selfishness thankfully we don't speak about divorce and made that commitment to each other before we even said "I do".
Marriage is not about being "Happy" every day... you have to choose to have joy... it is not natural to just automatically be happy every day with how your life is... it is not natural to have the same feelings you had when you were newlyweds... Marriage is about choosing to LOVE... and Choosing to find joy in the way your life is... and CHOOSING To better yourself in order to be better for the other person. It is putting what THEY need before what you think you need. Sometimes that ends up being a one way street if the other person is not all in for some reason or another... And that is one reason why marriages fail SO much. Both people have to be willing so sacrifice and love despite the others faults and shortcomings. And it stinks sometimes. In my marriage there are times I choose to stick it out and work on what I can work on and pray for him to change and to get out of his funk as soon as possible. I am sure he could say the same at times about me needing a heart change. We each have had stretches of discontentment/selfishness thankfully we don't speak about divorce and made that commitment to each other before we even said "I do".
We will be sticking out the rough times "for better or worse" is what we vowed... and thankfully we both are on the same page about that.
Faithfulness is a Godly attribute, Love is God, Joy is only from God... selflessness... or putting your spouse first... So many people talk about putting their kids first, no wonder your spouse feels less important in your life! No wonder unbelievers have such a hard time to grasp the concept of lasting marriages they fail to understand the God who created marriage and who is the living example of the fulfillment of the attributes needed for a successful marriage!
So many believers fall into the trap as well. They feel "unhappy", "underappreciated", "disrespected"... Maybe they said different vows than I did. I remember saying "For better or worse, sickness and health, richer or poorer...until death..." Were those just words? Did they only apply if my husband became a successful professional with a steady income full of security and stability? Did it only apply if I, as the wife, grew to be the June Cleaver of the neighborhood who could manage to rear my little ones without burning dinner or leaving dishes in the sink and unfolded laundry sitting in mountains while looking put together when my husband walks in the door night after night with no complaining of needing an escape (or break)? What about when my dreams change and I decide I don't want to be a stay at home mom but would like to pursue a career? What if my dreams don't line up when his? Surely it doesn't apply then... Or does it? Did it mean only when both of us are pulling our weight? Or when both of us felt like it?
Please don't misunderstand, there are things that you may need to seek help about in your marriage. There are things you may need to get away from that are IMPORTANT to not write off as "this is my lot in life... my burden to bear..." Please get help if you need it. I also realize there are times when you cannot stop the other person from giving up. You can do all you can but you cannot change what they do. But when it comes to your "feelings" changing... REALLY?! Seek God! Seek Him only for the things you need. Your spouse will FAIL YOU if you are putting all your trust and hope in them! They are HUMAN. God will make even the best of them fail you if He needs to in order to turn your trust and faith back to Him. He is the ONLY unfailing rock... The ONLY steadfast in this life.
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One Note: If you don't want to read it, by all means don't read it. And don't leave me a comment about how much you didn't agree. Anyone else may comment if they wish to. Thanks for reading my blog and keeping up with me.